Conan O’Brien Commercials Cause Sober Man to Drink
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – After two decades of sustained sobriety, Kurt Kammerdiener leapt off the proverbial wagon last week with a vengeance, landing with a resounding and tempestuous thud. Once a rising...
View ArticleAl Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser
CHICAGO – Former Vice President and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive Wednesday night for over six hours after the...
View ArticleMoammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama
CRAWDAD, ALABAMA – As war planes flew over Libya’s capital of Tripoli and military snipers took position on rooftops in an apparent attempt to dissuade people from joining rebel fighters, news sources...
View ArticleAfghan Man Reschedules Stoning Wife to Avenge Koran Burning
AFGHANISTAN – Last week Chaghcharan “Cha-Cha” Mahmoud was in his backyard choosing the stones that he would use to kill his wife. The previous day Cha-Cha had been told by his brothers and several...
View ArticleTyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees
NEW YORK – In what has become her signature maneuver as an investigative journalist, Tyra Banks was able to psychologically lure-in and then break down singer Meatloaf in a segment on 60 Minutes Sunday...
View ArticleAnthony Wiener Blames Lewd Twitter Pics on Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece
NEW YORK – In a stunning turn of events earlier today, an enervated Anthony Wiener told reporters that he sent obscene photographs of himself to young women around the country because Charlie Sheen’s...
View ArticleRussell Crowe Champions Foreskin
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – International movie star Russell Crowe has thrown down the gauntlet regarding what he refers to as the “barbaric and stupid” act of circumcision. Spreading his message via Twitter...
View ArticleSchool Principal’s Head Mysteriously Tattooed During Drunken Blackout
The last thing I remember is standing in my socks on the soggy bank of a lake arguing with a disgruntled midget. – School Principal Bertrand Calhoun Luedecking Jr. FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA – An...
View ArticleMaury Povich Guest Claims Maria Shriver Bore His Child
Yesterday on daytime television’s Maury, host Maury Povich informed his audience that his guest would be the former gardener for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. When Maury said that the gardener would...
View ArticleCrocs – Shoes for People Who’ve Given Up
New York – A study just released by Columbia University shows that a vast majority of the people who wear Crocs shoes lack enthusiasm, don’t look forward to anything, are unimaginative and don’t have...
View ArticleMichael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down
NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with...
View ArticleCharlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail
NEW YORK – Charlie Sheen’s publicist told reporters today that Charlie was a victim not the culprit in Tuesday’s drunken, drug induced debacle at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The publicist had originally...
View ArticleKoran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap
WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden announced this morning that Florida Pastor Terry Jones and New York Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf have agreed to appear on the television show Wife-Swap. The vice...
View ArticleIn Her Bid to Remain Speaker of the House, Pelosi Switches Parties
WASHINGTON – After weeks of Internet rumors of her impending retirement if Democrats lose the House majority, Nancy Pelosi stunned a crowd of admirers last night when she announced that she is...
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